For World Breastfeeding Month, we asked IBCLC Jess Kumar from Coast Life Families to share her thoughts on a topic we don’t talk about enough: the emotional toll of breast pumping. From the guilt to the mental load, here’s Jess’s compassionate and powerful take on what really happens behind the scenes.
When we talk about breastfeeding, we often hear about the health benefits for baby, the beauty of the connection between mother and baby, the magic of breast milk, and the challenges of latching - but one aspect that's rarely discussed openly is how draining and difficult pumping can be.
Let’s talk about it.
The Emotional Toll of Breast Pumping
Breastfeeding can be incredibly taxing and often mums feel pressure to feed the baby exclusively at the breast. For many, a breast pump feels like a lifeline. The promise of a way to support milk supply and allow mum’s freedom and flexibility, allows partners to help with feeds, and makes returning to work while breastfeeding possible. But it can also come with a different set of emotional and psychological challenges:
The Relentless Schedule
Pumping every two to three hours, particularly overnight, can feel like a full-time job. It’s physically draining, emotionally exhausting, and can be uncomfortable.
The Emotional Distance
Mothers often describe pumping as cold or clinical, especially compared to the skin-to-skin connection of nursing. That sense of disconnection can impact bonding, or how a mothers feels about the early phase of motherhood. Many women struggle with feelings of being held captive by their breast pump.
The Pressure to Produce
Watching the bottles, comparing output, counting the millilitres, feeling discouraged if "nothing is coming out" - it can turn a loving act into a cold, firm measure of success or failure.
The Waves of Guilt
Guilt if you don’t pump enough. Guilt if you hate pumping. Guilt if you want to stop. Guilt for wanting to be out and about and missing a pumping session. Guilt for putting baby down to express. Guilt for even thinking about formula. Many women describe these feeling as a heavy weight that erodes their mental well being.
Why Pumping Can Affect Mental Health
Breast pumping adds to the already overwhelming mental load of new parenthood. You're not just feeding your baby, you're:
- Washing and sterilising parts multiple times a day
- Trying to measure everything: how successful each feed at the breast was, how much to top up, how long to pump for, how many times in a day to pump, how long to keep trying
- Keeping track of pumping sessions and storage times
- Managing freezer space or supply issues
- Navigating work breaks or privacy at work
- Worrying about your body, your baby, and doing it “right”
It’s invisible labor that very few people see, let alone celebrate - but it’s real, and it’s hard.
The Invisible Mental Load of Pumping
Because there’s a cultural narrative that breastfeeding - and by extension, pumping - is “natural,” and therefore should be easy or inherently fulfilling. That every mother can and should breast feed. When feeding and pumping is difficult many feel like they’re failing. But here’s the truth:
You are not failing.
Your feelings are valid.
Pumping is hard.
And it’s okay to not love it.
Mental health matters just as much as milk supply. In fact, they’re connected - stress and anxiety can affect letdown and supply, creating a frustrating cycle that needs more compassion, more understanding, not more pressure.
How to Care for Your Mental Health While Pumping
- Talk about it. Speak with a trusted friend, lactation consultant, or therapist who understands maternal mental health, and can help you assess your breastfeeding to review your equipment and plan a feeding and pumping pattern that works for you and baby.
- Take breaks. It's okay to skip a session. It’s okay to rest. Your well-being matters. What your baby needs most is connection with you, that doesn’t only have to occur through breastfeeding.
- Reframe success. Your worth is not measured in millilitres. You are doing an incredible job - whatever feeding looks like.
- Ask for help. You don’t have to carry this alone. Support is out there.
Let’s Change the Conversation Around Pumping
Breast pumping can be a powerful tool - but it’s also okay to say it’s not easy. Let’s stop romanticising the pump and start recognising the emotional weight it carries.
Let’s normalise talking about mental health in the postpartum period, not just milk output. Let’s make space for the full story - the hard parts, the messy feelings, and the immense strength it takes to keep showing up.
You're not alone. And you're doing better than you think.
Support for Breastfeeding and Mental Health
If pumping has taken a toll on your mental health, you’re not alone. For World Breastfeeding Month, Bubka is offering free consults with trusted IBCLCs, including Jess Kumar, to help you find a rhythm that works for both your body and your mind.